calliope, calliope 2015
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Another Joke

by ephraem tan, photo credits.

He really does look dead, Emilia thought to herself as she made her way to Brandon’s desk. He sat slumped in his chair, his head drooping and glasses askew; he looked more like a dead body dressed to look like an office worker than anything else. This ought to help!

Hiding her laptop behind her back, she flicked his forehead playfully. “Brandon!”

He jerked awake, wiping the drool off his face with the back of his hand. “Whrbmbmnncbcmnmm. What. What do you want. Emilia?”

Oh my Lord it’s even worse up close. She considered, briefly, whether to make a joke about his enormous eyebags, or how much he resembled a bum when unshaven. She decided against it.

“Ok! So I know it’s a pretty rough time and there’s a lot of stuff on your plate. You know that design assignment you were tasked with? The one where you had to animate our company mascot in a .gif file for a banner on our website?”

“… Oh. The horse brushing his teeth with our toothpaste.” Brandon sank back into his chair, burying his face in his hands. “I forgot entirely. It’s due tomorrow.”

“SURPRISE!” Emilia shouted excitedly, whipping her laptop from behind her back. “I’VE DONE IT F – Brandon, look. Stop covering your face. I’VE DONE IT FOR YOU!”

Brandon said nothing, squinting as the horse brushed, gargled, and spit on screen, in a neverending loop. Finally he reached out and took the laptop off her, to better scrutinise it.

“The animation is too jerky,” he complained, after deliberation. “And – and the mouth especially, look –” He zoomed in on Pod the Stallion’s mouth. “– firstly, horse’s teeth aren’t pointed. And why does the toothbrush only brush the lower set of the horse’s teeth? And there’s way too much toothpaste foam, the –”

“Brandon!” Emilia exclaimed, outraged. “I did this for you! Of my own volition! I spent my entire Sunday on this, I missed lunch with my sister making this gif!”

“I know, I know. This is just constructive criticism. Do you mind making these edits? Hold on, I’ll write out a full list and pass it to you.”

Too incensed to respond, Emilia swiped her laptop away and stalked off, fuming.

MORAL: Don’t look a gif’d horse in the mouth

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