photo credits here, edited.
by dee pei hui
You are deadbeat tired but you cannot sleep. You don’t want to study for a test but you want to ace it. You are sick of life but you still live it to your fullest. You are in pain but you continue to smile. You are but a series of ironies and contradictions.
There is a strange sort of beauty in the ironic way life works. There is a strange sort of strength in not harping on what you feel but focusing on what matters. Like say, you are heartbroken but you focus not on how miserable you are but on how you can get better. Or maybe you dislike someone but you decide to be polite simply because you have manners and give due respect to fellow humans. Perhaps that is how we survive.
Whatever the case, opposing emotions are what makes us us. We are not made to be one dimensional or unfeeling. Our memories are shaped with a myriad of emotions. We can feel happy and sad at the same time, like when someone you love is leaving the country in pursuit of a better career. We can feel hurt yet loved, pained yet stronger. Perhaps that is our beauty.
Life, there is no hard and fast way about it; you just got to live it and feel it. There will be times when your emotions swell and come pouring out and not always at appropriate times, but that is alright. There will be times when you feel devoid of anything even vaguely related to feelings, but that is alright. The downs are what makes the ups better, and the ups are what make the downs worth enduring. Perhaps that is just life.
I give people advice I don’t take myself. I laugh even when I’m not happy. I sleep even when I know I must study. I live, even when I find life unworthy of living. Perhaps that is how I am human.